The Suits

It's been an incredible two days...while the rest of my crew got shipped off to parts unknown, I was assigned to the CTS (Counter Terrorist Service) under the protection of the Joint Iraqi / US Special Forces (SF)...basically the only guys out here who are still running missions, kicking down doors and arresting bad guys. So they are mentoring their Iraqi counterparts on Intelligence gathering techniques and how to piece together cases and kick ass and interrogate and whatnot. And my function (long awaited and long overdue) is get the Iraqi side where they can better communicate with the US counterparts. 

Yesterday was my first day out of the super protected Union III base - so my SF contact shows up to bring me out to where they are and this guy is a dead ringer for Nicolas Cage - kind of lethargic and dead-pan - and as we are leaving he turns back and asks my direct DynCorp (civilian contracting agency) manager - "oh yeah..what is his clearance?" "He has no clearance." He's going to need clearance." "Why does he need clearance?" (coming from my direct supervisor who has no clearance) "If he's coming to work with us in Special Forces, he needs clearance." "What level of clearance?" "SECRET clearance." (the second best after TOP SECRET). "OK listen, we are going to need some authorization for that." "Fine, I'll have Colonel Makey call that in." "OK" - then the guy tosses in - "Oh yeah, and he needs a permit for a weapon too" "As per our policy, our teachers don't carry weapons" Ignoring the last comment the guy says "What does it say on his LOA (Letter of Authorization from the Department of Defense)?" "Well, his LOA authorizes him to carry a weapon..but..." "Then we're going to need you to start processing that right away as well. Thanks."

On the way to the up-armored suburban...
"Ever use an M-4?" "Seen one. I'm familiar with the M-16 and the AK. (check my facebook BABY!!!)" "Ok it's simple - if something happens to me, rock this back, flick this lever to the FIRE position and squeeze down on this thing - try to make sure you are pointing this end toward the bad guy. OK?" "seems clear enough" "Good, let's roll."

Outside of the claustrophobic FOB Union III for the first time - and on a scenic tour of Baghdad...more of that later. 

We arrive at the CTS headquarters and there are about 15 guys in a room no larger than the guest suite in the Delaney house. On the monitors are pictures and maps and arrows and people are printing up dossiers on bad guys with grids and addresses and records and known associates - clearly this is the shit that i am not supposed to see. - and at the end of the room is Col Makey - Full Col Makey looks like Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson. "Wells, we've been waiting for you. Where have you been?" "Just got in a few days ago." "Yes..he says, "so you did. Col Fiola promised us a teacher by Dec 01. I'm looking forward to discussing this issue at lunch tomorrow with Col Fiola."  Nicholas Cage leans in, "DynCorp needs a confirmation on clearance and weapon" - "Get them on the phone for me" "Nicholas patches in the call. Col Makey looks at me - where you from?" All over - born in West Virgina, lived in Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Florida, New Mexico, Chile, Istanbul and I currently reside on FOB Union III." "Good deal...Hello? Colonel Mackey speaking. yes...got Mr. Rutland here - he's gonna need to be cleared at SECRET level...ok I'll be look for that. And he needs a weapon if he's going to work out here..." "Of course he can handle a weapon - he's a southern man. Do you not have his file?" (that's all in your file. right?) (I nod) "It's on file. I'll be waiting on that as well....OK...THANKS" Welcome on board Wells.... (more on that later)

My allotted internet time is limited - but today was ever more bazaar.  Met with the Iraqi-born English teachers that I am supposed to train - most of them former military - and I will be shadowing them and training them and collectively we will be training the Iraqi special forces. Our meeting runs over...so we had out a little late for lunch and I see all the American Special Forces pulling out of the parking lot in their Suburbans...and I'm thinking...oh fuck...and the Iraqi guys tell me...oh..were you going somewhere for lunch...and I said..well..i think I was supposed to go back to the Union III D-FAC (Dining Facility) for lunch. So these 3 ex-military shiny suitwearing, mustache sporting, cigarette puffing Iraqis tell me...come with us. We invite you for lunch. So I'm walking down the street with these guys thinking...now this isn't good...and we turn down one street and past some guys in a tank and then up another street and into an alley way and then past another guard and into a little courtyard where there is a diner with a 100% Iraqi clientele. So I'm thinking...this really isn't good now..." And these guys are greeting their friends there in Arabic and we go inside passed a lot of guys eating in military garb and then to the buffet and they serve up this plate of Arabic food stuff...and everyone is staring at me...and then we go into this other room where all of the guys are wearing shiny polyester suits...and we sit down. And they start eating with their hands and so I do the same. So I ask...who are these guys...and they tell me in English...this is the officers' room....and I ask..."so what is that over there?" and they say "that is the enlisted soldiers' dining room." So I ask my teachers - are you guys both officers...and one of them says..."Yes..we are both Lt. Colonels - but he is civilian." and then suddenly this guy walks into the Officer's room wearing a uniform but it looks different than the other guys...and immediately everyone in the officers' part restaurant stands up - so of course i also stand up...and this guy comes and sits at our table across from me...and everyone sits down and this guy takes off a burgundy colored beret and brushes his hair to the side and he sits down. This guy looked like a rounder version of Robert Voitier but with a heavy mustache and bright shining eyes like a school boy.  And he's smiling and eating and just listens as we talk. And I'm wondering who the fuck is this guy and he has some kind of eagle or a bird on his sleeve with 3 stars on it...and he has this bright smiling face and we are all eating baked chicken breast with our fingers and rice and lentils from off a metal tray with 7-up and a banana for dessert. And at the end of the conversation when everyone is done, this guy says something in Arabic to one of my entourage and the guy turns to me and says, "The General asks if you need anything for your apartment...TV? Coffee maker? Microwave?" I said..."Please tell the General that I am very humbled by his offer and that I would like to thank him very much for his generosity and great hospitality towards me...but I'm still in temporary housing at the moment and at the moment I have everything I need." So one of my teachers - one of the colonels translates this to the general...and the general is smiling like hell and then says something in Arabic and my teacher translates it for me and he says "The general says that anything you need - ANYTHING - only tell him and you will have it. So I said....You know there is something that i could use...um when I was packing to come here I didn't have much space, and I had room only for one good dress shirt. I'm afraid that my students will become tired of looking at the same shirt every day." The guy turns to the General and translates...and the general starts smiling like hell again and says IN ENGLISH..."OK...Don't worry, I will have ready for you tomorrow shirts, very nice." 

about an hour later I'm back at the CTS office going over paperwork with the teachers, and in walks the General's own, personal tailor with measuring tape in hand.